The Picks.

West, Round 1:

1. Lakers over Denver (5)

AI gets 50,
But Carmelo is still drunk.
Brazilians weep.

2. Dallas over New Orleans (7)

Soundtrack of first round
Becomes Rammstein. "Dirk ist gut,"
Chant game seven Fans.

3. Phoenix over San Antonio (7)

Shaq will take credit,
Though he will pretend not to.
Stat is the real key.

4. Utah over Houston (5)

I will take the Jazz
In honor of Conti-Brown.
But come on--Landry?

West, Round 2:

1. Lakers over Utah (7)

Fierce battle of wills:
Preview of Armageddon.
This time, Satan wins.


2. Phoenix over Dallas (6)

Shaq ought to suffer,
But who will stop Amare?
More Cuban anguish.


West Finals:

1. Lakers over Suns (6)

Redemption is sweet.
If Steve Nash punches Sasha,
Then all the better.


East, Round 1:

1. Boston over Atlanta (4)

I can't dignifiy
This lame series with haiku.
Poor, poor, poor G-State.

2. Detroit over Philadelphia (5)

Series asks, Whither
The post-industrial world?
Too bad Philly sucks.

3. Orlando over Toronto (6)

D-Howard and Bosh!
And yet I would rather read
Con law than watch this.

4. Washington over Cleveland (7)

This pick will enrage
Rakesh. But it is a case
Of too much Wally.

East, Round 2:

1. Boston over Washington (5)

This reminds me of
"National Treasure" starring
Nic Cage. But much worse.

2. Detroit over Orlando (6)

More social science:
Twentieth century grit
Owns simulacra.

East Finals:

Boston over Detroit (6)

Only Rasheed can
Give these Pistons a shot. A
tiny one, mind you.


NBA Finals:

Lakers over Boston (7)

Garden crowd shocked;
BYNUM makes surprise return
To crush KG. Fin.

MVP: Kobe Bryant